Driven by 'Important'
My whole life I've been focused on pursuing what I believe is important.
Since I was young, games have annoyed me because of their frivolous nature. I see them as (albeit harmless) distractions.
What is the point? I ask. Why Is this important?
They're not, and so I brushed them aside. Looking for more, but not always finding something more important to do instead.
As I got older, and it came time to decide on what I would study at university, I dug deep. Connecting to my desire to understand universal laws. I didn't want to study something humans made up (economics), or look into the past. Seeing earth systems as the most "important" thing to know, I decided finally on the science of the environment.
I am driven to tackle what is important.
To my personality, anything less is a distraction.
In the climate of my mind, pursing anything less is cowering from my purpose.
I want to be of service to the highest good.
Don't get me wrong. I got all kinds of distracted along the way (sex, vanity, addiction) but I remained tethered to a greater sense of purpose.
Through studying environmental science, and my experiences working in industry, it became obvious that environmental problems stem from humans. From belief systems and values that do not align with universal laws.
It's at this point that I began to realize I had to deal with my own problems as a means of serving the highest good of all, for if each of us did this, the whole world would be changed.
The process of self change is not unlike washing a filthy rag over and over again. Each time removing an almost imperceptible amount of dirt. Results are perceived over time, as a result of small steps, taken consistently. There is no immediate gratification.
I wish I had started this (sharing) earlier. Chronicling the work, the shifts, the ways in which I changed my own mind, my own belief systems, that lead to my healing from mental illness. I was too ashamed of sharing my process when the outcome (healing) was unsure. I was afraid to fail publicly.
I was invested in the outcome. I was afraid of judgment.
These blocks are my battleground of late, but this work is what I believe now to be the most "important" thing I can be doing.
You are witness to my commitment to trying.