Beauty Envy

Be objective about other women’s beauty.

You are not in competition. Her appearance doesn’t factor in to your self-worth. What someone else is, or isn’t, is not relevant to why you love yourself.

Your self-worth is an inside job.

It’s built from within and you keep it protected through your boundaries. You’ve explored who you are and know what makes you unique. You build upon your own strengths and celebrate seeing others do the same.

You know that being your best self — the best version of your uniqueness — is what makes you beautiful. You spend your energy where it counts — in developing yourself — not slaving away in front of a mirror to look like someone different than you are.

When you catch yourself feeling envious, you don’t indulge the envy, but you also don’t criticize yourself for feeling it.

Instead, you’ve learned how to transmute it through its opposite.

When you feel envy, you dig deeper to realize what’s really there — that you’re recognizing something you like in another (their beauty, in this example). If you like something, why is it you feel bad?

You send them appreciation for the quality you’ve recognized. You transmute the envy by choosing to be happy for them, even if it feels fake at first.

You transmute your envy by re-phrasing the situation.

You re-phrase by recognizing that if you feel envious of her, surely others do too. If you feel the urge to glare at her, you understand that others already are. You recognize that being the target of envy—and fielding its ugly treatment—must be difficult. You empathize with her suffering, and that changes your perspective. You don’t pity her for being beautiful, you’re just aware that the more perfect she looks, the less people want to like her. You feel mildly guilty for your unconscious response, which helps you choose to be kind.

You have found that when you are kind towards her, you feel better about yourself.

When you show her your heart through genuine appreciation instead of glaring at her, you are both buoyed by the positivity of the interaction. You feel stronger, because you didn’t allow your envy to diminish you.

You see your own beauty objectively.

You emphasize your favourite bits in a way that expresses who you are. No one else can be the particular type of beautiful that you are. Not even her.

You know that lamenting what you don’t have only brings you down, so you choose not to give yourself that experience. You know not to use the beauty of another as the counterpoint to your own, because you know it’s nonsensical to compare things that are different.

You know that her beauty does not diminish you — only your jealousy can do that.

Sylvie LacourciereComment